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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

And today i don't know why i just have this urge blogging about you. after so long i still think and pondering why. why i was told to go. when i know that i did nothing wrong. no reasons was told when i demand for it. when all you could say was NOTHING, DUNNO and the best part was I'M NOT IN A GOOD STATE. walllah!! after all the steps we walked i never thought that you could do me this way. i know i'm not the best. but all i want is the best for you and giving you the best in me. the bestest in whatever i could give. all i want is to give you happiness, seeing you smile, hearing your laughters. even how tired how bad my day was, when i see those smiles hearing your voices and those laughters, it's like a magic like a painkiller every problems or sadness i have just go away. it sucks when i woke up each day knowing that you are no more in my life. i can't see those face those sweet eyes of yours and your gigi taring.
each day i put a smile. laugh like there's no one around me. act like i'm a strong and independent. but who knows that behind those smile there's this heart that got crushed and been hurts? how much i missed you like fuck. no body knows this and how syerah always asked me how strong i am and how can i move on with life easily... and all i could say was life goes on and i gotta learn to be strong. i'm still asking why. why do you have to do this me? what have i done wrong. where do i go wrong. and after all that happened what do you treat me as? i'm not easy and you it well and how much i trusted you. *sigh* am still dissapointed and sad. i am very sad. i feel like crying now when all the words you said to me was still stuck in my brain it feels just like yesterday you said all the words. now even how much i don't want anyone like this in mylife i don't know why my feelings are so confused and all mixed up. like they say love is blind.
this is the whole reason why i'm so scared of falling in love all over again. and how hard it is to love someone for who he is and to accept that person the whole of himself. is this worth my love? i donnoooooo. i hope my luck wouldn't be this bad in future. seems like it's never enough whenever i talked about you. no matter how he doesnt know how my feelings are i still hope for some day i could know about what's the reason. i hope he's somewhere out there doing great with life even i don't know what is happening. *sigh* im sorrry for this long merepek post but i guess this is just how i could say it out.

good nite people.

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whisper from my subtle heart...

2:10 AM