Monday, August 31, 2009
staying strong is the hardest thing i can be now. you know i was trembling and feeling so numb. my heartbeats, beats like only god knows. nervous like shit. the feelings totally sucks.
dear diary. if i could shout out loud now. i would shout. why must it be me?
and if only i can ask god and that he could answer me now. best kan?
ah. besok 31st. whatever it is. i must be positive and don't give a fcuk. kay?
dah dah. lets go sleep.
Labels: don't give up siti.dun give up
whisper from my subtle heart...
Friday, August 28, 2009
when ure upset about something that hurts you something that you don't wanna think about. something that needs you time before saying anything about it. and when someone being cold towards you. for not wanting to tell the truth? it's not about not wanting to tell the truth. but to feel ready without feeling sulky. feeling ready and for accepting the fact with what is happening around. and being strong without even sheeding a tears.
God Bless Me.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
dear diary, what should i do with this heartache of mine? i been dragging my heart around. thinking of the positive didn't work it out. can't help it but thinking of negative all these time. but feeling so much better after praying which i haven't been practising it for such a long time. i don't know what i should do. i'm scared. scared of being used. scared of losing the one i loved. scared of being one shiok sendiri woman. scared to be the one at the losing end. why have no one ever make me feel this way like he does? he's my perfection. my beautiful nightmares. we're not exactly friends i guess. but i'm very scared of the word complicated . haunting me with all the things thats gonna happen just got me being paranoid. with his presence everyday, just got me going great. you're wonderful aren't you?but it's sad when it left me alone here thinking all the possibilities and where do we stand and where do we go from here? tak rugi kan sabar? kalau kau seorang yang die perlu dalam hidop dier insyallah macam mane kau tak sepurna dier tetap pilih kau jadi teman hidop. well whatever mother says make me feel that i should remember who i am and never expect when you're giving. sedar sape diri kau tu yer raizah..........
ouh ya. the check up was not good. YET.
august please pass me by as fast as you can.
aku da tak boleh sabar. tak boleeeeeeeehhhh. :(Labels: siti don't be stupid. you gotta stay strong.
whisper from my subtle heart...
eversince fasting started, sales has been very bad. from outside shop, you can see the gurls dancing to the music chatting around finding work to do or even a gal standing by the door helplessly. ahah. it's frustrating when the boss keep on asking what happened to our sales and so on... so what can we do when we can even count every customers that came in? when i been standing at the front of the shop i observe that customer seems to hesitate to come in when they look around. and so i guess it must be the VM. probably it look to formal and un-affordable. gosh they really have to do something with the VM. this is not paragon. this is tampines one . Uk punyeee org gong gong ah.
and few drama mama been rolling around these days. tsk. susah ehk. kalau rajin tak boleh. kalau jadi malas pon tak boleh. kalau da bodoh bengap. buat hal bodoh benggap. jangan nak eksyen pandai ikot buku padehal otak sonsang. wah. i don't understand how these people get to be the incharge.
*rolleyes* just because someone who is lower rank than you can't be more clever or hardworking is zit? can't be more attractive can't be more creative is zit huh? tak kan kau nak aku step bodoh tak tau apeape hal kan. grrrrrr.
i hope evrything will go fine ehk. insyallah. :)
and today the guy who been freaking me out has gone too much already now. like today... i receive alot of scary messages and non stop missed calls. he's worst than a pervert or even a stalker. it's scary already now. AZARD. the crazy guy. tak betol and menakotkan. thank god i didn't went tro what emma went tro. ahahaha.
i hope he stop it after i threatened him that i'll go to the police if he won't stop his bullshitting.
till then. nite.Labels: pissed like a dawg.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Saturday, August 22, 2009
at this point of time kan i just feel like a loser ah.
somehow i've been wondering about to some thoughts that i think i should stop thinking about.
i don't know why ah but i think in this whole 22 years i been living in kan...i been a loser.
do you agree with me?
anyhoosy. life been great. macam mane tak great. by his presence, everything seems well on me. i just hope that things will be good . and tommoror will be better. probably i should lower down my jealousy level ehk. stop it siak. because of that i spoil everything today. haiz. im totally a loser.
so yea. today i went karaoke with saye punye bacin. just the both of us but it was still kecoh and best ah kan. of cus i sing anyhow i like ah cannot challenge him hor. Mr Bombastic ah kire kan. i wanted to upload a video of sayee punye bacin nyayi ah but he shy lah so cannot. hehe. then we had dinner at simpang and i get to eat steak. wooho. thanks bacin for today.
k lah. i kinda feel heartache now. abit only ah.
so tak nak bobal panjang2 k.
good night people. Labels: story of me and you.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
watched Orphan at Bugis iluma filmgarade.
dinner at The Fish Manhattan.
holding hands.laughing.smilling.blushing.
a walk to remember.
and then to the Singapore Flyer.
and last to the Mustafa Centre.
i shall say this is the best saturday i've had this year?
a so-kold-date with my one and only bacin?
SUPERB!!!
best giler. i enjoyed each and every seconds of it. we took loads of pretty pictures.but guess what? i screwed everything. aku nak nangis airmata darah boleh tak? i accidently format my camera and it's all GONE. yes it's GONE. bodoh nak mati siak. ah. but i was lucky that at least we have one pictures left from the Singapore Flyer. naseb ehk. but it's ok i guess i shall keep those sweet moments in my heart.
ok. i can't membebel too much my eyes sakitlah. nak tembel seh agaknye. i already saw a bum and the end of my eyes seh.
slamat malam awak.
Labels: i heart you.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
i know i gotta clean out my emotional closet and say what i got to say to that certain someone. holding on to that feelings is not wise. it cause my imagination to run wild and fear to overtake me.
they could convince me that something is going on or something that could be happening isn't really true.
but do you think i'm brave enough ? Labels: sensitive mode.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
mom have said something that have been stuck in my brain ever since she said it to me.
we were talking about something something and she said,
mother: "mane nak dapat lelaki mcm gitu duduk tgk tv dgn mak gurau2 sumer. nak buat mcmane, dier da tak nak dengan kau..."
that line has been playing around repeating every now and then.
somehow i realize something. happinnees is just a moment.
i'm nothing to you i guess. just nothing.
wanting you for wanting em for who they are and not wanting you, but wanting someone else.
sad isn't it?Labels: so c'mon and shoot me dead
whisper from my subtle heart...
i am so angry with myself. i think i'm crazy. cause today i ate alot okay. it's irritating. i didn't know that cracker mary bought from dunnoe where can be so addictive plus the girls, they keep on buying the sweets the donuts and everything that is unhealthy!!! the non stop tea-peng ice... wah marvellous i tell you the sweetness the bitterness was superb. hahahha. hey i can't go on anymore like this aite. i'm so fat and i don't wanna grow any fatter sials.
today the girls and i is super rajin. walaupon kite penat, we still do a very good housekeeping. nak tunngu due jahanam tu buat tunggu sampai aku kahwin ah sials pemalas peh pundek. when they're off, there is always things they left behind for me to do and what's more there's many membership card left for me to settle and i got so mad when i found a memo send on the 5th of august to send back all those Benefit trial beauty pack. and it hasn't been done yet. so sape lagi si babu ni jugak kene buat kan. and i was not happy to receive a complain saying that my mingming has been staying inside the cashier and doing nothing!!!!!! kpala buto eh. suspect kuat si paria punds ah tapi si cins maks laks pun nak cover kan dier ehk. heh. kau rajin buat keje ke kau bagos ke org da mata merah pon tetap org akan buat hidop kau merana. kau tak bagos ke memalas ke kau tetap kene bergitu jugakkkk. ni ah bangse punds dengs cins habes ah kan. sorry for the very minahees speaking here but somehow im just angry with myself for eating alot today for not able to fight for my mingming's right. it's okay baby. you know whatever happen i will always be right beside you.
and after so long i been complaining here and there that i got no camera so no visuals shitsss post up. but guess what. i bought one now. and it's MINE. yes. a ten megapixel. waterproof Blue Olympus dg camera.WOOHOOO. NAMPAK NAMPAKKKK! i thought of giving it a name. maybe VIOLET? i know it's blue but i'd love to name it violet. boleh kan...hmph?
okay i swear this will be the last to post. the double celebration was great. they bring along their bf at just sheesha session so yae nothing much to get jealous about. but still seeing em holding hands kinda sucks. i also want to hold hand like dat. aahahah.the pictures you people go check out my FB okay.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
it's friday and guess what? i saw alot of couples okay. be it the cute ones the irritating ones the fugly ones. i see them like everywhere sia. till i get tired of looking at em ok i nearly jelings at every one of them i bumped into. ahah. yea yeaaaa they do nothing but i don't know why i'm kinda jealous ah sials. likeeee haiz. kenape ehk dekni ble dapat matahir aku tak boleh ehk. ahha. while i was walking with ming ming i point to one couple holding hands... "ming ming.. i want like that can..." while pouting. and she says "come lets hold hand like em". ahahaha. cute ehk ming ming aku.
and it's e 8th tomorrow and i should be excited actually but i don't know whyyyy i am not now anymore. the gurls are bringing their bf and i bring who? see tmr imma get jealous again. aahhhhh. yes yes i am soo jealous of my bitches okay. so jealous when they told me how busy they are with their bf. and which another of my gf is getting engaged this november. aakkkakk terperanjat lah kan yang penting. sometimes ah i wonder how come ah they lead their life so happily ever after. obviously lah im happy for em. i want like that also sia. can annnot.
kinda sensitive abit ehk today. nak jealous pon tak tentu pasal ehk aku. harap maklomlah akak ni kan lonely woman.paham paham je lah kan kalau kite post gini macam. andddd i think ahh ehk i thinkkk ahh im kinda sick and tired of being independent. tgk ah bingit tak tentu pasal. sensitive tak tentu pasal. now rase sad puak tak tentu pasal.
phewwwww. i hope tmr will be a good one for mee please. stop it with the jealous ah raizah. stop it.
whisper from my subtle heart...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
eh hi. i have neglect this diary of mine for such a long time isn't it? cause what else if it's not about work? yes aku dah mengalah ehk keje full since the last week . and because of work i gotta postponed those check ups again. kalau badan aku boleh bobal, da mintak ampun agaknye. umur baru je dua puluh dua bdn asek sek sakit. sometimes i'm so angry of myself you know. why can't i be strict enough and say no whenever i'm told to work full? esh. mcm no life lidat kan. i don't care next month imma request for alot of days off and leave and i need to claim my hours. bloody hell.
i need a good massage. my body is aching like everywhere!!!!
i feel so stresssssss up. and it feels like i should chopped my hair!!
i want anti-contact lens eyes pleaseeeee. huahuahuahuahua.
i want to be free from the doctors cannnnn lahhhhhhh. hoooooo i seriously can't wait for august to end and that's when i gonna stop thinking about all the negatives. if ajeeee sumer okay.
but!!!!! i am so happy lah today. so fucking happy. gembira sangat sangat tak terkate kate ehk.
kenape ehk??? kenape aku happy ehk?? ahhhhhhh cause bacs nars dats keds aks ah sis. aks gems naks mams ehk. aks pens pens kejs pons nams muks bacs aks so happs sehhhhhh.
k lah go figure put yourself. tak paham pi paham kan ehk.
akak nak tito. akak nak mimpi indah ehk.
assalamualaikommmmmmmm.
whisper from my subtle heart...
