Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saat terindah saat bersamamu
bergitu lelapnya aku pun terbuai
sebernanya aku telah berharap
ku kan memiliki dirimu selamanya.
and at this moment i don't even give a damn to anything of what people might be thinking or say. this is my space please do let me say out whatever i want okay? and how i miss this person so much. so bad.each of my everyday missing every bit of him. don't care what he have done don't care what he have said or think of me. i don't know why things are so hard on me. i'm sorry for putting so much hopes but somehow now i understand that it takes two hands to clap. i'm ashamed of myself for wanting the one that not wanting myself. it's okay if you don't care. but still, each of my everyday i have never fails to think of you. and the only think that keep me going is to think of our happy happy days and that has always put a smile on me.
imiss how you kold and shout "aniasahayyooo yo yo yo"
imiss how we chat everyday at night msn-ing and how u always promt me once i signed in and how i always smile from ear to ear.
imiss that ringtone beep whenever you kold/text me.
imiss seeing that smile of yours.
imiss you surprise me by dropping by my shop after your work.
imiss going karaok-ing with you.
imiss singing with you and by adding wrong lyrics to it and how you always marah and how i keep on following every song that you sang.
imiss how we challenge to grab the hand or legs and tickle and laugh and laugh and begging to stop tickling. heh
imiss cooking with you.
imiss how you always tease me and make me laugh like nobody bisness.
imiss that five "muek-muek"
imiss going to mustafa centre just you and me. :)
ahhh. can i just say that i miss the whole of you?
okay ni part aku mcm nak cry.
cin, you jage diri baek baek kay.
imiss how you kold and shout "aniasahayyooo yo yo yo"
imiss how we chat everyday at night msn-ing and how u always promt me once i signed in and how i always smile from ear to ear.
imiss that ringtone beep whenever you kold/text me.
imiss seeing that smile of yours.
imiss you surprise me by dropping by my shop after your work.
imiss going karaok-ing with you.
imiss singing with you and by adding wrong lyrics to it and how you always marah and how i keep on following every song that you sang.
imiss how we challenge to grab the hand or legs and tickle and laugh and laugh and begging to stop tickling. heh
imiss cooking with you.
imiss how you always tease me and make me laugh like nobody bisness.
imiss that five "muek-muek"
imiss going to mustafa centre just you and me. :)
ahhh. can i just say that i miss the whole of you?
okay ni part aku mcm nak cry.
cin, you jage diri baek baek kay.
Labels: thank you for reading.
whisper from my subtle heart...
11:33 PM
down with high fever. non stop hit flu. and terrible sore throat.
my lumps just got bigger and now my lips just got bigger due to the lumps everything got swollen ah!
so now im like in a critical condition pe. seven pills to be taken every six hours. mcm S.
and abeh kalau aku rindu pak tam mcm mane? *faints*
whisper from my subtle heart...
12:47 AM
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
selamat Hari raya people. hows raya ? great? i didnt really look forward to it like seriously. but when meeting up the loveleh cuzzy they somehow make me stupid day better . :) surprisingly i get some money from the makcik that loves me. heh and nyayi gave me also like twice ah. best kan. and im like so broke this end month which i end up not giving any money to the kids. such a shame. we didn't take loads of shots probably we're just busy dozzing off each house we go. this time everybody like too tired to to even take pictures unlike the previous years so active from the morning till end day sey. haiyah. i feel so shagged these days and dun forget to a big hi to my double chin. cause i feel sorry to myself for eating everything thats on the table and every house we went. i been eating non stop hit seeeeh.
latest, i got lumps growing on my gums and under my ear which it's connected to veins and half of my face is feeling so fucking numb. sgh been calling and i still got no time to speak to the doctor. what say you? actually i'm just running away from the true facts. excuse me for being so timid. cause if only u people were in my shoes knowing that having cancer is just a normal thing then i'll salute you for sure.
one by one. and i don't know what's next. and probably from here i'll get to see whos gonna be by myside whos gonna be here to make me strong and encourage me and so and sooooo. heh.
few people who i specially kept in heart and i can see whos here with me and who dun even bother.
anyways, good luck to me. i think this part, i can't be independent anymore. i thought i'm strong enough but i have prove myself wrong. such a disappointed. such a useless daughter.
excuse me i need to eat now. im like so fucking hungry.bye.
whisper from my subtle heart...
11:06 PM
Saturday, September 19, 2009
it's not about being too late or it's already too late. it's just the matter of the hearts. it's just the matter if you do still want it or not.
i seriously thinks there's just so many mis-understanding between us. like the communication. like you need to know the the truth. but u just don't wanna asked and assume it. it sucks.
i dun knw how long you gonna treat me this way. cause i need every single reasons of why we are being this way. i seriously thinks it's kinda merepek of us. i seriously missed the times we had okay. haizzzzzzzzzz!!!!!
and guess wod? imma join Noona for the slimming event trail for six freaking months after raya. so hows that? and how how i got no mood for raya? *pout* and and guess wad. i need to go for surgery lah kan. some thingy just keep growing on my gum and it's getting bigger each day like it's already big ah now. and everybody feels disgusted. i sad. hmmmm....
Labels: i can't stop thinking about you.
whisper from my subtle heart...
12:47 AM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
i want to make it short and clear. whatever ive said previously doesnt mean i've kept my feelings and still holding on to that six years ago story. it's gone and i've said that earlier cause i don't want anyone to be like me. and to you.eveything i do, everything i gave was sincerly from me and how i loved you and just you but no body else. and since the day that you became the part of me, nothing else matter but just you. and how i choose to grow old with you and i want no body else. i hate it when you trying to distance away from me. i hate how we are now. i wanna know where did we go wrong. when you're here my life seems perfect not just blessed lah. heh. but i guess, you don't even care. you don't care about me at all do you? i'm just hoping to see your face this saturday. even when you're too busy with your life, at least have some pity on me. u don know how much i missed you. i hope i can atleast be happy even for just a moment, by seeing your smile and to lepas kan rindu seeeeehhhh. :(
Labels: come back please.
whisper from my subtle heart...
11:34 PM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
my appetiate been kinda sucks these days. i can only eat small portion and that's it. i've got no mood . i been not being myself lately. keeping to myself like one anti social idiot lidat. the most is laughing. i miss laughing seriously. even while doing the cookies with my lovely siblings and mom, i didnt really join the conversations they had. my mind are just running wild and it's aching. every night i cried myself to sleep. i cry so easily these days cause i think my life is just so sucks and i just feel like a fool and being such a stupid sensitive idiot. yesterday i was weeping while in the room myself and i didnt realize that my dad is watching me from outside room. when i see him watching me, i was so shock ah and i was like what? da paiseh kan. and he walked away and i pretend singing out loud la nak tutup malu. heh.
and when u have too many space too many time to yourself what u do is just having your mind running wild . you know years has passed me by and i'm still struggling with my own life. you know, i'm a women now and i don't know what is going to happen next to my life. i have become independent cause after you my life have been like a roller coaster. no more being that pampered girl you know. no more depending on someone anymore. i have learned to learned mistakes ive made tro out these years and i think im miss the years with you. knowing how greedy ive become.wanting my freedom and enjoying as much as i can.tsk. not having to know whats happenig to my surrounding. neglecting your feelings and just think about myself. i could say that was the biggest mistake ever. and how it totally change mylife after you're no more exist here.
i regret for not remembering who i am cause i was too happy and having my blistful life and my life was blessed because of you.
six years and now i am still struggling finding the right way. and you, having the one that you gonna grow with till you get old. i know that's best for you and how happy it is to see you happily leading your life. :)
it's not wanting what you want. But wanting what you got.
so you people, please please treasure the one around you and never neglect em cause you never know how they are feelings and how they will react to you. cause in life when you have everything.everything that you are having now and how blessed ur life is now. happy with all the things that you have till you forget and neglect the important ones or maybe being greedy and for wanting the both world, you will never know that in just a splits second anything can happen. and how it can changed ur life.
same goes to me. scary eh.
whisper from my subtle heart...
12:59 AM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
in just a split seconds it change my whole life. tsk.
whisper from my subtle heart...
11:00 PM
Thursday, September 10, 2009
not that i don't. but you have prove me wrong. heh.
i got my own pride. and i lose it to you.
my heart not just sank.
it probably bursting .
dissapointed and i think im more than just sad.
too sad that i can't afford to cry but it's just pain. it feels pain.
too painfull!!!!!! :(
here i go again. i feel so shaky now.
today, it doesn't get any better.
sabar k raizah.
whisper from my subtle heart...
11:42 PM
Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel of the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
honored to love you
Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind
You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel I'm alive
When everything else is a fake
Without a doubt you're by my side
Heaven has been way too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh love
I have come to understand the way it is
Its not a secret anymore
Cos we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark
Now I understand
i dun understand what's really going on. if life would stick with me this way, i couldn't ask for more but to be thankful cause i know some of them out there are going tro harder times. even how u left me hanging with thousands of questions. i don't mind standing here alone dragging my heart everywhre i go. i wish i could listen to your heart and understand you. and if only i could. cause you're just full of mystery and i wouldn't let either one of us getting hurt by not getting what we want. i don't know where we go wrong. i don't know what u really want in your life. i don't understand how u want it to be. i been sighing for thousands of time today and it's not like i'm used to this or already immune to everything that happened. i would say that being complicated sucks when ure communication means nothing with what your heart feels. i don't fall easily i don't changed my mind easily. but today, god is by myside and i will promise myself to never cry cause i know i keep repeating the same mistakes and never get sick or tired to learn a lesson. but i want to thank you for being here with me even for the shortest period. for being here and making me smile. ure my pillar of strength that keeps me going on everyday of mylife. the drug the painkiller that i need everyday. i miss that cheerful voice i miss how i smile everytime i see ur name pop out from my phone that got me excited. this might be to late but i been wanting to say this to you, all these while. and how you have never felt it or nvr wanting to hear it from me, i gotta say that. i love you.
raizah. tmr will be better okay.
whisper from my subtle heart...
3:13 AM
Monday, September 7, 2009
sometimes thinking too much is not good. but sometimes i think it's okay to have your brain to aches like hell. well i am now. sometimes i feels weird. sometimes i feel real good. today i feel something that is just not right. something funny and sad and it just got me confused.
i need some answer. cause im curious like that. when i got courage to ask i keep telling myself not to. cause im scared. scared that everything will be shattered and that it won't be this great anymore. so i pray to god that he could give me alil bit more patience . to wait for the question to be answered to me. :) i hope it won't be a disappointing one.
whisper from my subtle heart...
12:58 AM
Saturday, September 5, 2009
whoooooa. again i neglect this blog of mine ehk. life has been great so far. well even work sucks dragging myself to work everyday and how i wish i can choose to work or not to work. but i can't. too bad lah.
August has passed me by pretty fast and Allamdudlilah things goes well and i couldn't ask anything more.
you know with your presence, life is full of happiness.
having to know that you're here with me, can't get any better than this. thank you awak. thanks for being the most cutest man in my life.
Labels: wanna be your's.
whisper from my subtle heart...
12:47 AM
