Tuesday, September 15, 2009
my appetiate been kinda sucks these days. i can only eat small portion and that's it. i've got no mood . i been not being myself lately. keeping to myself like one anti social idiot lidat. the most is laughing. i miss laughing seriously. even while doing the cookies with my lovely siblings and mom, i didnt really join the conversations they had. my mind are just running wild and it's aching. every night i cried myself to sleep. i cry so easily these days cause i think my life is just so sucks and i just feel like a fool and being such a stupid sensitive idiot. yesterday i was weeping while in the room myself and i didnt realize that my dad is watching me from outside room. when i see him watching me, i was so shock ah and i was like what? da paiseh kan. and he walked away and i pretend singing out loud la nak tutup malu. heh.
and when u have too many space too many time to yourself what u do is just having your mind running wild . you know years has passed me by and i'm still struggling with my own life. you know, i'm a women now and i don't know what is going to happen next to my life. i have become independent cause after you my life have been like a roller coaster. no more being that pampered girl you know. no more depending on someone anymore. i have learned to learned mistakes ive made tro out these years and i think im miss the years with you. knowing how greedy ive become.wanting my freedom and enjoying as much as i can.tsk. not having to know whats happenig to my surrounding. neglecting your feelings and just think about myself. i could say that was the biggest mistake ever. and how it totally change mylife after you're no more exist here.
i regret for not remembering who i am cause i was too happy and having my blistful life and my life was blessed because of you.
six years and now i am still struggling finding the right way. and you, having the one that you gonna grow with till you get old. i know that's best for you and how happy it is to see you happily leading your life. :)
it's not wanting what you want. But wanting what you got.
so you people, please please treasure the one around you and never neglect em cause you never know how they are feelings and how they will react to you. cause in life when you have everything.everything that you are having now and how blessed ur life is now. happy with all the things that you have till you forget and neglect the important ones or maybe being greedy and for wanting the both world, you will never know that in just a splits second anything can happen. and how it can changed ur life.
same goes to me. scary eh.
whisper from my subtle heart...
